My Life In Grace

My Life IN Grace

I have heard that someone recently converted to Calvinism should be locked up for two years before being allowed to share his new-found faith. There may be some merit to that statement. I recall that the Lord sent Paul to Arabia and then Damascus for three years before he began preaching. But somehow he did not restrain me, maybe for the reason that I should learn from my mistakes.

After returning from Memphis I was so excited that I wanted to share my joy with everyone. Some people said I was like a child with a new toy; I have never been known as one who lacked enthusiasm for a cause in which I believed. Of course, I thought others would be as relieved and excited as I, and I could not comprehend how they wanted to cling to their old traditions. There were four major theaters of operation for me for the next nearly twenty years: Smith Springs, Lipscomb, Engedi Ministries, and Covenant Presbyterian Church. Although action was moving forth on all these fronts simultaneously, for the help of the reader, I shall discuss them separately. Only one remains today.

Smith Springs

The doctrines of grace now, after the Memphis Ligonier Conference, appeared fully developed in my preaching and in David’s. I also incorporated them into my Bible classes on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. Classes allow for interaction, and I found people questioning me on what I was saying. They were quite concerned about my teaching that a true Christian can never lose his or her salvation. One gentleman became so angry that he stalked out of my class, out of the church, and he never returned. One of the former elders went to the current elders and complained about my teaching “once-saved-always-saved”.

One of the elders then suggested to the others that perhaps they should invite David in to explain himself. Danny spoke up at that point and told them that before they did so they should know that he agreed with me. That was enough to change the invitation from a planned inquisition to a request to lead a study for the elders. For several months on Monday nights we spent many hours going back to the scriptures for a fresh look, beginning at point zero, and asking what God was saying to us. One by one the elders, all brought up to believe Church of Christ doctrines, accepted the same conclusions that David, Danny, Jacob and I already had. One of the elders was away on an extended trip, and we wondered how he would take our new-found theological views. When he came back bursting with joy over what he had been reading in J. I. Packer’s Knowing God, we not only breathed a sigh of relief but were awestruck at the realization that what was happening to us was the work of God. That elder, David Goolsby, had also been exposed earlier in his life to Reformed teaching at Lipscomb by a professor who had the courage to share the doctrines of grace with his students and subsequently was dismissed. Thus five elders and two ministers now began a period of complete harmony among themselves, a most unusual situation for any Church of Christ, and approached the task upon which all of us agreed of taking this gospel of grace to the congregation.

A little story should be inserted here. Even though David Gaylor had boldly preached that initial sermon at Smith Springs on election and attended the Memphis conference with us, he was still struggling with a few theological issues. It always bothered David if he and I differed on anything, and so he was impelled to seek resolution.
One issue was instrumental music, which Church of Christ has traditionally opposed. When we were at the Memphis conference, David refrained from singing and told Danny and me that if one had a conviction, he should honor it. On the way back I shared Psalm 150 and my reasons for worshipping God with instruments as well as voice. It bothered him that we did not see alike, and one Sunday morning he came bounding in and remarked that he learned it did not matter whether we have instruments or not, as the Bible taught that what counted was the heart (Eph. 5:19).

Second, even though David had preached on election, the full weight of it had not struck him as he believed still that man’s choice is somehow involved. During our studies together with the elders the light came on, and I shall never forget his exclaiming in a loud voice, “Oh, dear God, why me?”

Finally, although he had long said that he believed our salvation is for the most part secure, he thought there was still a possibility, but very small and remote, that we would walk away from Christ and lose it. Then again on a Sunday morning he came in all smiles. He and I would no longer be at all divided on this issue, although I confess that those differences did not bother me. He said, “I know now that a Christian cannot lose his salvation!” I asked him which passage convinced him, and he told me that as he was reading through Romans 8:29-30 and noticed that all the verbs are in the past tense. The last decree of God Paul lists is that we are glorified, so, David announced, from God’s perspective beyond time he sees us as already glorified! We are already there!

Returning to our narrative, as one would expect, we had those who pushed back against what they were hearing. One gentleman came to an elders and ministers’ meeting intending to refute us. He always brought along a pocket Greek dictionary. I pointed out to him Acts 13:48 (“And when the Gentiles heard this, they began rejoicing and glorifying the word of the Lord, and as many as were appointed to eternal life believed”). I challenged him to check the meaning of the Greek word. He did and then put up his Greek dictionary and never used it among us again. Soon, after all the elders told him they believed in divine election, he walked out.

On the other hand, there were the experiences of greatest joy when the Spirit opened the hearts of Smith Springs’ members to the gospel. As I taught the doctrines of grace in my classes, people’s lives were changed before my very eyes. I recall one young lady who wept openly every time we discussed justification by faith alone because she found it so wonderful, so liberating, and so exciting. People who had been down on life, discouraged and depressed, turned to joy and love. Life had new meaning. It was especially true among the younger people who were inclined to be less bound to old traditions. They began to spread the gospel among themselves, and they found a new passion for God. We started one summer a class on Tuesday nights for special theology studies attended by several Lipscomb students who wanted to continue studies we had started during the academic year. To that nucleus were added several Smith Springs young people, then older people began to come until it was thoroughly diverse in terms of age makeup. We decided to study the Westminster Standards, starting with the Westminster Confession of Faith and continuing with the Westminster Larger Catechism. The study continued for a year. To this day many of that group will say that was one of the most profitable experiences of their lives. It was rich!

Just at the time the elders and ministers decided to introduce the doctrines of grace to the congregation, one of the ladies suggested that we encourage all members of the congregation to read through the Bible in a year. This we did. We produced devotionals to go along with the reading recorded by various members. Now that the sovereignty and grace of God were topics that were mentioned in classes and sermons, it was amazing to the members to see how these truths were reflected throughout the Bible. They began to see unity and a flow in the unfolding purpose of God in Scripture. It was an exciting time for the church and highly fruitful!

People were talking to each other about the gospel and eagerly exploring and studying scripture. David and I both had our times in preaching when we pushed too far too fast and said things that offended people, as when I preached on Mal. 1:2 (“Yet I have loved Jacob but Esau I have hated”) and when David went so far as to say “Free will is a crock!” But moderation is a virtue lacking in the new convert. On the whole, I think those involved would agree that the Lord was at work, that many people were blessed, that the gospel of grace was impressed on many hearts, and it was a wonderful time for the church. We lost some, but we gained some, and attendance remained high. Some of the people who stayed were unhappy with what was being taught. Some would stay regardless of what was taught. But for many, whose hearts the Lord illuminated, it was a time of great spiritual growth.

One of the areas where the gospel of grace had a decided impact on the lives of the members of Smith Springs was marriage. I remember Ewan Kennedy, a young, Reformed Lipscomb student from Scotland who is now a pastor of a PCA church, telling me that had learned that when he and his wife had difficulties, he was his wife’s worst problem. I used that example in my teaching at Smith Springs as we emphasized the total depravity all of us all. Over and over testimonies were given by Smith Springs’ members on how that understanding improved or even saved their marriages. One lady thanked us for teaching her husband the doctrines of grace because it had changed him so much. Another testified as to how understanding grace helped him and his wife to adjust to each other, as for both theirs was a second marriage. Still others told me that it had saved their marriages. I can personally testify to the effect on my marriage after I confronted my own pride and selfishness and admitted that I was my wife’s worst problem. Legalism with its assumption of human goodness makes no allowances for such admissions.

In 1999 David Gaylor decided to retire, and the church opted for a full-time minister instead of two part-time ones. Although I despaired that they would find someone who would also be committed to the gospel of grace, God in his providence provided Tim Alexander who wanted David and me to continue at Smith Springs with him although we were no longer on staff. The spiritual growth continued under Tim for another almost twelve years. Tim developed into a powerful preacher, and I often thought I heard Charles Spurgeon thundering forth the living word from the pulpit when Tim preached. In the last few years Danny directed the education program and developed a rich Biblical curriculum. In spite of some very unpleasant situations created by the introduction of grace into Smith Springs, the good results and the wonderful changes in lives, the replacement of doubt and despair in the lives of people, and the awareness of the personal love God has for us and his involvement in our lives all far outweighed the unpleasant situations. My wife and I remained at Smith Springs enjoying the love and fellowship of many wonderful people until circumstances of distance from Smith Springs and Tim’s departure indicated it was time to make a change.

Lipscomb

At the same time the above developments were occurring, I was sharing my new-found beliefs on my campus with the same zeal. Now I can freely admit to being deliberately confrontational, which was a very unwise course of action. Also, I confess that I over-emphasized grace and neglected the concomitant full and total responsibility of man, justifying to myself this omission by thinking that they had heard enough already of laws and human responsibility. At one point, several years later when God had given me a little wisdom in the matter, I personally apologized to the vice president and president of our university for the embarrassment I caused them. However, in spite of my intemperance, students were challenged to think, and a considerable number came to accept the doctrines of grace. There was a somewhat consistent pattern with them. When I confronted them with their total depravity and inability and their salvation by grace alone according to the elective purposes of God, they would be visible shaken and shocked. They needed time. Some would return after a weekend to say that God convicted them with the truth of what they had heard, and some even required a summer of contemplation. But over the course of the next sixteen years or so, a large number of students embraced Reformed theology. I really do not know how many; that is for God to keep the count.

What I found rewarding in the process was the joy it brought to their lives and the ability it gave them, as to Smith Springs members, to deal with the difficult times of life. I could give far more examples than any reader of this blog would want, but let me mention two. A student named Paul was sitting in our department lobby as I was putting thoughts together for a chapel devotional. I asked him if one dead in sin could come to Christ. He said that anyone could, if he wanted to. I pointed out a few verses like John 6:44 (“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him”). We talked for a while, and then went our separate ways. That was Friday. The next Monday Paul walked into my office and said he had been thinking all weekend about our conversation, and he realized that dead men could not climb ladders. He said that he always thought grace was likened to our climbing a ladder. When we went as far as we could, God pulled us the rest of the way up. He said he realized that a dead man could not even start to climb a ladder! Paul would find the knowledge of God’s sovereign love for him helpful later when he faced illness and death in his family.

Tom was a student I had in a political thought class (I have his permission to tell his story). He turned in an examination with the answer to the question “is man essentially estranged,” in which he discussed in detail the Biblical doctrine of the depravity of man. I asked him where he learned this concept, and he said that one of his Bible teachers had taught it. I asked him if he wanted to hear the rest of the story, and he agreed. When all the doctrines of grace came together in his mind, his life was changed, but I did not immediately perceive the depth. On the last Wednesday before Christmas break as I was preparing to leave to help my wife with Wednesday night dinner at church, he asked if he could talk to me. I agreed, and he came in my office. He sat down opposite me, and with tears in his eyes, said he wanted to thank me for teaching him the whole story of grace. I said it was my privilege to share it. He said, “You don’t understand what I am saying. After what I learned from you I am determined to get out of my life of sin!” I was humbled and expressed my gratitude for what God was doing in his life. Some months later another student told me that the knowledge of sovereign grace and the extent of God’s unconditional love for him enabled him to get off drugs. I then went to Tom and asked him what sin he had in mind, and I was right. For both these young men who had tried every possible means available to them and were unable to break the deadly addition to drugs, grace did it! Tom said he came to classes high every day, asked me if I noticed, and said that it took him three months, but he was determined. By God’s grace he was rid of the addition. He is now happily married and has been deeply involved in helping others understand the doctrines of grace. He served faithfully as one of the members of the board of Engedi Ministries.

Others have been able to overcome depression as they struggled with deep personal issues. All have found their faith and commitment to Christ enhanced as they know there is nothing they can do to cause God to love them more or less, and that they are not going to hell. I remember one young man who told me that in his youth group at a Church of Christ he would get as close as he could to a bonfire during a devotional so he could get used to the fires of hell! He would go with us regularly to the Ligonier conferences in Orlando and feast on the gospel of grace that he told me sustained his soul.

At one point I brought students in and interviewed them in front of a video camera to gain testimonies on how their lives were changed. It was an exciting time. I do not regret for a moment sharing the gospel with them and do believe that God placed me there with that purpose in mind. But such an idea would have been furthest from my mind when I originally joined the faculty in 1986; I had no idea what God had in mind for me!

Once, when my overzealousness had caused the administration to come down on me and I thought of leaving, one of my good friends, Charles Bradley, who died quite suddenly only recently, took me aside and said that any Reformed pastor would give anything to be in my position, and I should not even think of leaving. It was good advice, and I thanked Charles many times. Charles served as pastor of the Hopewell Presbyterian Church in Columbia and was a member of the Associate and Reformed Presbyterian Church. For a while he had a church plant in Bellevue, just around the corner from where we now live. As they met at 4:00 on Sunday afternoons, I would often attend and bring young people from Lipscomb and Smith Springs with me.

I can smile at the unpleasant times now. Yes, I was overzealous, but it was that overzealousness that God used to change lives. At the same time, I found the Bible department was furious with me and stopped me from teaching a history class on the development of Christian thought. The chair of the Bible department told me I would never again teach a Bible course and asked me not to share these doctrines with students. The vice president removed me from my chapel position to which he earlier appointed me. He is the same vice president to whom I went years later and apologized. The fact that these doctrines blessed the lives of students did not seem to matter to the administration at the time. I did not stop sharing my faith, but I learned discretion and perhaps a little wisdom. I found that it was predestination that was most objectionable. I have a good friend in the Bible department who was always honest with me. He said that my advocacy of the doctrine of predestination was what they had against me, and caused my job to be on the line if I persisted in teaching it. Apparently, total depravity, irresistible grace, definite atonement, and assurance of salvation are not problems. There is something in the basic DNA of the followers of the Stone-Campbell movement that cannot tolerate any denial of human free will.

I retired from Lipscomb in 2011. I am pleased to write that the days of conflict were brief, and for the last many years I have sustained a very good relationship with the Bible department and with the entire faculty. They know what I believe, but they have been willing to accept and love me in spite of that, as I have them. My wife and I were privileged to sponsor the semester in Vienna program four times, and I was always able to be in charge of the devotionals and worship services without any restrictions. I have continued dialogues with students but been careful not to force my views on them and allow them to proceed at their own pace. Ultimately it is the Holy Spirit who convicts the heart; I can only carry the message.

Engedi Ministries

When David and I ended our preaching work with Smith Springs in 1999, Danny Hale approached us with a proposition. He had recently sold his business and wanted to set aside part of the proceeds for the work of the Lord. He said it was his dream to have a ministry that would teach the gospel in a number of venues such as a web site, classes, radio program, conferences and theological materials. He insisted that all we do be done with excellence to God’s glory. The ministry he envisioned would be patterned somewhat after Ligonier Ministries, but we would have as our primary focus reaching those who were enmeshed in legalism, especially in Church of Christ. We were grateful for our liberation and wanted to share the good news with others. We needed a capable administrator, and we all agreed on Carl Conway, a Smith Springs member who had recently closed his business. Danny knew that the ministry would help both Carl and me financially, as we both lost income from our previous jobs.

We began in 1999 recording classes that I taught on Tuesday nights at Smith Springs. Carl selected Tuesday, the same night I had been holding theology classes for several years. The first class was on justification by faith, and I remember Danny’s bringing me a copy of the finished edition with art work capably done by Abe Goolsby, one of our board members and a son of David Goolsby. Over the next several years we produced many tape series, later transferred to cd format. Danny and I both produced the lectures on theological topics, Biblical textual studies, and church history. Abe designed the covers for them all.

Our classes were well attended and interest was high. We attracted people from many different churches, especially after we moved our location from Smith Springs, which is in the far eastern part of the city, to a more centralized location at Faith Church. Faith is affiliated with the Christian Reformed Church (Dutch Reformed), and they were gracious enough to allow us the use of their sanctuary on Tuesday nights. Most memorable among the many classes held over many years was the one on Romans which attracted the largest number of people and the one that analyzed the Reformation both doctrinally and historically. Danny and I worked together on that one, and we even incorporated two debates in which the participants actually played the roles of Luther, Eck, and Erasmus.

We held two conferences at Faith Church, and at both of them the preaching was powerful, rich, and thoroughly Biblical. Our speakers included Rubel Shelly of Woodmont Hills Church, Scotty Smith of Christ Community, my friend Charles Bradley of Hopewell Presbyterian who came with a van load from Columbia for each session, David Gaylor, Jim Cross of Donelson First Baptist Church, Edward Fudge, Jerry Hoek of Faith Church and Jim Bachmann of Covenant Presbyterian Church.

In 2000 we started publication of weekly email devotionals designed to help people begin their week with a good but brief message from God’s word. Soon our subscription list expanded to cover people on every continent of the world except Antarctica. These devotionals are still being written and published, offered free to anyone interested.

We set up booths at theology conferences and placed our materials in as many hands as possible. We did reach many people in legalism. Only recently I received email correspondence from a lady whom I do not know personally. She is a Church of Christ member who is beginning to experience grace and wrote me to offer encouragement and say that our message is not falling on deaf ears. Danny was visibly shaken when one morning at Smith Springs a gentleman approached him and said that he had been tracking him down from across the world. He was a missionary in the Philippines and had heard some of the taped messages Danny produced. He told him he would have no idea how many people had come to Christ as a result of his material. We really had no idea that our work would prove so valuable in the hands of missionaries. Smith Springs supported three missionaries, and all of them used Engedi resources. One told me how learning the doctrines of grace changed his and his wife’s lives and radically affected his preaching. We had one gentleman in India who said he used Engedi resources, and there were missionaries in other countries. Carl continually received emails from people blessed by Engedi, people we usually had never met and sometimes did not know how they came in contact with us and our materials.

With my retirement from Lipscomb and with the recession making it difficult to maintain our financial resources, I thought it best to retire from the ministry also. The board considered that we had achieved our original goals and disbanded the ministry. We continue the devotionals and the web site, but not really under the auspices of the ministry as such. I enjoy writing the devotionals and plan to do so as long as God makes it possible. Carl is willing still to handle the web site and to manage the email list and weekly distribution of the devotionals.

Covenant Presbyterian Church

My final area of operation concerns my relationship not only with Covenant but with the local presbytery of the Presbyterian Church in America. Through my association with my friend Charles Bradley, I was introduced to Arch Warren who, like me, had a background in the Church of Christ. Arch was pastor of Zion Presbyterian Church in Columbia, Tennessee. Arch invited me to monthly luncheons held by pastors of the PCA Presbytery, and they graciously received me. These godly men gave me solace and encouragement during the times when my situation at Lipscomb was strained. Arch is now my neighbor at River Plantation in Bellevue and teaches the Sunday school class my wife and I attend.

At these luncheons I met Jim Bachmann, senior pastor of Covenant, and Larry Ferris who is now associate pastor, and both became good friends. I had heard of Covenant from two Lipscomb students who had embraced Reformed theology, both of whom found Covenant and were impressed. One of the students said that one is always confronted with the holiness of God there.

It was this same student, I believe, who informed Jim when I ended my preaching work at Smith Springs in 1999, and I received a call from Jim at my Lipscomb office asking me if I would be willing to come to Covenant and teach classes in the area of church history. I did, and I met many wonderful people who have continued to be good friends since. Covenant was very gracious to me, inviting me again and again to teach classes for them. I did so until I decided to devote myself fully to Smith Springs and to working with Tim to create there a church that would truly glorify God and hold forth the word of life. Meanwhile, Covenant supported Engedi Ministries both financially and by their members attending our classes with great regularity.

Last May when Tim ended his work at Smith Springs, we made the decision that we had known for some time we would need to make due to distance after our move to Bellevue, and left Smith Springs. Each trip to Smith Springs was a 50-mile round trip drive. In order to be sure, my wife and I visited several churches in our part of town before deciding that Covenant was indeed the church to which the Lord was calling us. Now as members I eagerly anticipate what the Lord has now in store for us. My excitement over the glorious doctrines of grace has not diminished at all, and I am ready to do what I can for the cause of Christ. And I have found what the student said of Covenant to be true, for each time I worship there I am indeed confronted with the holiness of God. The worship centers on Christ and presents Christ in every word and note of music from first to last. Christ is presented in art and architecture as well. I try to absorb everything and thank God for it all…for my gift of salvation…for my gift of the knowledge of my salvation…for the family God has given me…for the friends…for the church…for gifts that abound…for every day God graciously gives me. Everything is a gift for which we must be thankful and enjoy.

May God be glorified and enjoyed forever!

-David Lawrence










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